Читать книгу Lend me your ear and I'll give you my heart - Sabine Bösel - Страница 10

Talking to each other in everyday life can have many facets. Sometimes you listen more closely, other times less so, and you’ve probably caught yourself letting the other one talk while your mind is somewhere totally different. Our world is full of communication. We’re constantly giving and receiving information. So, we think: “Oh, I just can’t listen anymore, I’ve already heard enough!” Or: “How many times do I have to say the same thing over again?”

While our partner tells us something, we are already thinking: do I agree with that? How can I argue against it? How can I answer? What story from my own life does that remind me of? In effect, we are only listening with half an ear. We’re not visiting the other person’s country, but remaining in our own while we look for answers. So, we’re missing a lot of valuable information that could bring us closer to our partner’s country.

Especially when we’re distressed or when it’s a difficult topic, it’s hard to listen attentively. As therapists, we then ask our couples to be fully aware when attending to one another. We offer them a couples dialogue. Similar to a visit to a foreign country, the dialogue ensures the necessary openness and appreciation to get closer to one another. The dialogue is designed so that only one person speaks at a time, and the other one pays attention, without assessing what was said or considering an answer.