Читать книгу Lend me your ear and I'll give you my heart - Sabine Bösel - Страница 19

The kinship of souls is reflected by the fact that although we have had different childhood experiences, we have retained similar positive and negative emotions. “Then why don’t we pick someone who represents only the positive parts of childhood?” This is a question we’re asked again and again. Well, in a way we do just that. But in the getting-to-know-each-other phase, when we are falling in love, we primarily see the positive things. During this phase, we believe in the Prince Charming or the Dream Girl. We only show our best selves—the “chocolate-coated” side. Negative behavior is blocked out, or at least not perceived as such.

“Sure, I noticed that she was prickly,” one of our clients said once, “but there were so many good sides to her that it didn’t bother me at all. Now that characteristic really bothers me, and I ask myself why I got involved with this woman. Looking back, I can say that the positive energy was so strong that I fell in love, with the hope that she might lose her prickliness.”

Our Imago Trainer, Hedy Schleifer, once told us: “We humans would long be extinct if it weren’t for this infatuation, when we see things through rose-colored glasses.” If we noticed only the aggravating, problematic sides, it would be hard to fall in love.

There are two sides to every story. We have no problem with the positive things we have in common. It’s the negative life issues that bother us, that rob our energy and make life difficult. We often suppress the negative experiences of our childhood or forget them, and it’s uncomfortable when our partner holds up a mirror with their behavior.