Читать книгу Lend me your ear and I'll give you my heart - Sabine Bösel - Страница 17

Each relationship that lasts longer than six months suggests a kinship of souls. Whom we choose as a partner is no coincidence: There’s something familiar about them, even if we’re only aware of it subconsciously. Especially in the first phases of falling in love, we use phrases like: “It’s as if we’ve known each other forever.” Or: “You seem so familiar to me.”

This person reveals the good things we’ve experienced in our life so far, and especially in the first months of getting to know and love each other, we’re ecstatic about the special bond in which we experience so many beautiful, exciting and at the same time secure moments.

But they also reveal the painful ones. Together we might experience unimagined happiness, but it can also leave us deeply hurt. We experience this when falling in love moves on to the next phase in the relationship, when the butterflies in the stomach fade, and everyday life takes over. That’s when difficult situations might arise, conflicts break out, or power struggles set in. It’s exhausting, and when it gets too much for us, we reach for the first best solution: We solve the problem by separating. Then we hear: “He hurt me so much, I don’t want to go on living with such a person.” Or: “She became like a stranger.” Or: “We just drifted apart.”

At first, a breakup is a relief, because the arguments stop and you can finally breathe easy again. Months later, however, we find out that the difficulties were only a fraction of the partnership, and we separated from a person who was so familiar to us. Perhaps we’re in a new relationship and are frustrated to find out that the same problems arise again. All we did was exchange the person, but we kept the problems.