Читать книгу How to Deal With Difficult People - Ursula Markham, Ursula Markham - Страница 20

Make a list of those things about yourself that you like. The person who claims that he cannot find anything to put on a list is not thinking deeply enough – or is not telling the truth. Because people with a poor self-image are usually by definition highly sensitive, it follows that they tend to be kind, compassionate and unwilling to hurt others. So there’s the first thing to put on your list; now go on from there.

Once you have completed your list, look at the characteristics you have written there. If they applied to some stranger you had never met, you would not think he could be such a bad person, would you? So why are you so hard on yourself?

Instead of looking back only at negative events in your life, try remembering your successes. Everyone has had some, however small. Perhaps you won a badge in the Guides or Scouts, perhaps you bake a good cake – or perhaps you are kind to little children and animals. All of these are successes. Think of as many as you can. Don’t just list them to yourself but remember how it felt to achieve them or to be praised for them. Relive those moments. If you are going to look back at the past, you might as well do it in the most positive way you can.

For some people, simply knowing the reason for their low view of themselves can be enough to help overcome it. Many of us do not take the time to think about the cause of our negativity; we just accept it as part of our nature. But, once you can see that the fault was not yours but lay in your upbringing or your early programming, you may not need to cling on to that false impression of yourself any longer.

Once you have learned to reduce self-criticism and improve your self-image, you will be less likely to suffer from the otherwise damaging words and actions of difficult people. Also, because you have learned to understand yourself better, you may also be able to understand them. You may begin to see that something has made them the way they are. Once you can begin to feel sorry for someone, however dreadful he may be, he can no longer inflict harm on you.

As your confidence grows you will also be able to put into action the techniques you are going to learn in the rest of this book to help you deal with difficult people. You will know that you are likely to succeed in coping with them and that, even on the odd occasion when you do not succeed, you will have done your best and so will have no need to reproach yourself in any way at all.