Читать книгу How to Deal With Difficult People - Ursula Markham, Ursula Markham - Страница 7

Perhaps it would be a good idea to look first at your own reactions to people. The instinctive retort, while often an understandable reaction is not always the best one from any point of view. Difficult people are so used to employing a particular set of tactics that you are likely to fall right into their trap and enable them to play their final trump card. As far as you are concerned, you are likely to end up feeling angry, frustrated and disappointed in yourself. Better by far to take time to think before you react – and better still if you have worked out your strategy in advance.

If you know that you are dealing with someone who is always difficult and who treats everyone in the same way, do try not to take personally the way he speaks to you. It is not really you who is being attacked; this person’s attitude would be the same whoever was at the receiving end. This does not excuse the behaviour in any way – but it might help to reduce your own feelings of inadequacy.

Ask yourself what sort of reaction you have to a difficult person you know. Do you respond extremely negatively? If so, for what reason? Stop and think rationally of what your course of action should be. Simply blowing up and having a fierce verbal battle achieves nothing; all it does is bring you down to the level of the person causing all the difficulties.

You can choose how to react and respond to people. Working through this book will help you understand the choices available to you and to decide which one is best and most appropriate in a particular case. You will be able to build on your inherent strengths (and hopefully minimize your weaknesses) so that you do not allow yourself to be triggered into a response that gets you nowhere and leaves you feeling drained and disappointed in yourself.

All this does not mean that you have to become a ‘yes-person’ or to give in to those who are trying to influence the way you behave. It does not even mean that you are not allowed to be angry. Of course you are. Anger is a natural and often justified emotion and there is nothing wrong in feeling it; what’s important is how you deal with it and express it. There is a world of difference between flying into a screaming rage and telling the other person (in a calm, controlled manner) ‘I feel angry about that.’ The latter is the assertive way and is far more effective as your listener is more likely to take notice. If you scream and shout, he will simply scream back and in the end neither of you will take any notice of what the other is saying.

To throw some light on how difficult people make you react as you do, try asking yourself the following questions: