Читать книгу How to Deal With Difficult People - Ursula Markham, Ursula Markham - Страница 8

All too often that is what is happening – and the only one to suffer is you. The difficult person will carry on, happily convinced that he has won once again.

Picture this scene: Tom is driving steadily along the main road out of town when another vehicle overtakes him on the approach to a bend and, because of oncoming traffic, is forced to cut in immediately in front of him. Tom, who has naturally had a shock, is furious. He goes scarlet with rage, bangs his steering wheel with his fist and calls the other driver every bad name he can think of. The rest of his journey is ruined because he is fuming about what happened – and what could have happened. His concentration lapses and his own driving suffers as a consequence. This makes other people sound their horns at him, which does nothing at all to improve his humour.

No one is saying that Tom was not right to be angry. He did nothing wrong; the fault was entirely the other driver’s. And, had he not managed to cut in front of Tom’s car when he did, the situation could have been even worse due to the stream of oncoming traffic. But who was the one to suffer for Tom’s reaction? Not the other driver – who probably went on overtaking every vehicle ahead of him and was probably completely oblivious of Tom and his feelings.

No, the one to suffer was Tom. It was Tom whose blood-pressure went through the roof; Tom who was left shaking with fury; Tom who became so agitated that his own driving became far less steady and who could have, therefore, caused an accident himself. He had allowed himself and his judgement to be affected by the stupid actions of someone else – and he had not even had the satisfaction of telling that other person how he felt.

In just the same way, if you allow yourself to be goaded into a stressed and extreme reaction by the manipulative behaviour of other people, the only one you are going to harm is yourself. And not only will you fail to get the response you desire but you will be left feeling exhausted by your emotions and disappointed in your own behaviour.