Читать книгу How to Deal With Difficult People - Ursula Markham, Ursula Markham - Страница 6

There is no way you can make difficult people change and suddenly become sweet and amenable. Such change can only take place when the individuals concerned desire it and work towards it. So, if you can’t change them, the only thing to do is to change your own reaction to them. After all, you are the one who gets hurt and upset while they themselves simply blunder on in their own way.

All communication consists of reaction and counter-reaction. So, by changing your reactions – both inwardly and on the surface – you will in fact make these difficult people counter-react differently (even if only temporarily). Even if this does not help you to eliminate completely any problems that arise, it will diffuse most situations and therefore make them far easier to deal with.

Sometimes you will have to be quite skilful in the way you handle difficult people. While you can let yourself go and shout at a brother or sister, you are likely to get into trouble if you react in the same way to your boss. Even with members of your family, however, shouting is not a very good way to handle trying situations – but at least you won’t lose your job!

Each of us reacts in a different way to such awkward people because each of us has a different starting point. No two individuals have the same view of themselves; one may be calm and composed, another over-confident, while a third may have very low self-esteem. It is so easy to be hurt, deflated and demoralized by the words and actions of others; indeed, this is what they rely on and what gives them their power. But if you allow them to get to you, all you are doing is letting them win – and that is not good for you nor for their next unfortunate victim. The way to overcome the difficulties that arise is to be more clever than they are and to influence their responses – and often you can do this without them even realizing what you are doing.