Читать книгу The Colors Of A Optimistic World - Logan J. Davisson - Страница 11

Sometimes we are not fully aware of it, but we are not always honest with ourselves or our fellow human beings. Don't worry, that's not a malicious insinuation on my part, but a simple fact. We are not talking about wanton lies with the intention of harming someone, but about avoidance tactics or a slight distortion of the truth in order to deal better with certain situations. You may know that:

We say we're doing fine when we're not. We say yes, although we'd like to say no. We disguise ourselves and adapt our character traits to please others. We shut ourselves off from others and avoid them because we have difficulties trusting and do not want to be hurt. Sometimes we even come up with quite bizarre things to make them seem more interesting. So we make our holidays in our narratives more adventurous than they actually were or polish up stories of experiences a little bit so that they provide for better laughs. All of this is basically more or less harmless, but in fact it is not real and thus causes alienation, i.e. less true self-confidence.

As you may have noticed while reading this e-book, it can be quite difficult to build a true self-confidence. Now imagine how difficult it is to develop an awareness of one's "second personality". The "second personality" is the double role that we often get involved with in everyday life. It is the facade that we show other people so that they either don't recognize our true emotional state or think of us as someone we would like to be but are not in reality. Whatever the purpose of this double role is: it cannot be good in the long run. Not only because it is difficult to remember what people have told whom about themselves, but also because we know deep inside that we are not doing ourselves any favours.

A self-confident person stands by himself, his feelings, his peculiarities and his current life situation. Just because he can. If you are self-confident, you are automatically completely honest with yourself and others. If there is something in your life that you are not completely satisfied with, you can change it. After all, you know your possibilities and trust each other sufficiently to initiate a change.

What makes you really interesting and unique is not what you might one day be or what you pretend to be to others. The really interesting thing is you, the way you are. In my coaching sessions, clients keep telling me that they find it so hard to make true friends even though they try so hard to be interesting. But this is precisely the mistake: it is not a matter of attracting others, but of finding people who like you the way you are.

The truth is that not all people will or can like you. In fact, there are relatively few people who find you great. This is to be found. But if they can't really get to know you because you're maintaining a façade, you're robbing yourself of precious opportunities to build lasting relationships with others. Through a façade you take the opportunity to get to know and appreciate yourself. In this way, you will distance yourself from yourself and become more and more unhappy. You are depriving others of the chance to discover the personality that is within you and may miss out on the friendship or even partnership of your life.

Always remember that it doesn't matter what others think about you. The only opinion about you that really matters is your own. If you radiate this to the outside, sooner or later people will become aware of you who think similarly to you. Give these people a chance to get to know the real you. Start feeling comfortable in your situation. You are who you are, and nothing changes. If there are circumstances in your life that you would like to see changed, make a commitment to change them. However, do not claim that it is already different if this is not the case. Stand by yourself. It's not your job to please anyone. Your goal is to be self-confident, to be honest with yourself and to know yourself. Don't lose sight of that!