Читать книгу From Me To We - Toni-Marie Taherian - Страница 13

Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration. –D H Lawrence

It is normal to feel disappointed in love. Even when your reality is good, it does not compare with fantasy. The flames will slowly die out, especially if you are unable to keep the romance alive. For a relationship to work you should both feel that you got a good deal. Long-term compatibility is about respect and common values and building something, not about judgments of imperfections. It is better to be single than to want to be single. Sometimes being single is just as great as being in a relationship, if you know who you are and understand what makes you happy.

When you feel that love is over, have the courage to end things. If you are truly dissatisfied with the relationship then there is no going back; you do not have to hang on to the relationship just because you pity him. It is kinder to make a clean break. Breaking off the relationship can also have the opposite effect; it may unintentionally revive his feelings of interest, causing him to cling to you incessantly. Withdrawing your heart and becoming cold can make him pursue you even more, creating further resentment. If you have lost interest then you need to break the relationship off sooner rather than later. Once you know you no longer have feelings for him, end things calmly without an apologising, as he will be insulted with such behaviour, allowing him to get over you more easily. The break should leave you both physically and psychologically free to move on to the next person. Then the game begins all over again.

End the relationship only if you are absolutely sure you no longer want to be with him. If you have a problem being faithful, know that he is no longer desirable to you. Never feel guilty about ending a relationship, even if you initiated the relationship and have now lost interest. Do not blame yourself as nothing lasts forever. At some point in time you provided him with pleasure and he has more than likely enjoyed the ride up until now. In the long run, he will be thanking you for making it a clean break.

The more you apologise, the more you hurt his pride and create negative feelings that can sometimes linger for years. Spare him the dishonest explanations that only complicate matters. Dragging out an unappealing relationship that not satisfactory to you, will only torture him further. It will instil more emotional pain into him, as he may begin to try and save the relationship, making you both suffer. Ending the relationship saves you both; you from remaining in an unhappy situation and him through escalating pain as a result of you not loving for him.

If breaking up seems inappropriate or too complex, deliberately put him off with unattractive behaviour. If you are worried about hurting him, adopt a different approach and make him back off by doing things to make him fall out of love with you. Put him off by smothering, nagging or lecturing him. Do whatever you feel he cannot stand. Aloofness or anger will only stir his insecurity, leaving you with a clingy nuisance. Alternatively, try smothering him with love and attention or be clingy and possessive.