Читать книгу From Me To We - Toni-Marie Taherian - Страница 20

WHAT DRIVES HIM?

We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are. – Anais Nin

To the outside world the person you are interested in may seem strong and in control of his life, but he is weaker than he lets on. To seem strong, he will hide behind his friends, family or daily routines that give him a feeling of safety and control. Drop him off alone in a foreign place, and you will see a very different person.

Most people play the role selected for them and conform to whatever is normal for the time. No one in this world feels complete; he wants to fill the missing gap in his essence, something he needs or wants but cannot get. Love starts when the gap in his soul feels as if it is being filled. Find that gap and position yourself as the answer to his deepest desire and need.

The perfect man for you depends on you and what you are looking for. Depending on your luck, you could be waiting for a long time for a love that is hopefully reciprocated. Never leave this part to chance. Often, the ideal is expressed in contradiction. In the beginning, you can guide him to approach you first, avoiding resentment, perverse counter-reaction or paranoia. Identify the kind of person you are dealing with; do not be deceived by his outward appearances. Put his words and conscious behaviours to the back of your mind. He has developed social facades, both deliberately and subconsciously in order to disguise his weaknesses and shortcomings. His real personality is not only reflected in his words and conscious behaviours. Focus more on his style of delivery and of his voice. A blush here and a look there can be signs that betray what his does not put into words. If he seems vague, tell him what you think this means to motivate him to express himself more. If he avoids speaking about some topics directly, tell him. Make sure you fully understand what you are dealing with. His ideal may be buried in disappointment below the surface, waiting to be ignited. If you seem to possess that ideal quality, you have the ability to both make him live out exactly who he wants to be, or to lead him to what he has always dreamed of.

Gain the capacity to observe and attune to what he is missing from his inner-self. Then project his deepest desires and yearnings on to him. Be careful with appearances. A tough and cynical man may have a soft, sentimental core. If his passions seem to move up and down, he may be hiding an insecurity or self-involvement. Dramatic men seem so exciting, but in fact, they are often troubled and self-obsessed. By the time you discover this, you already may be involved, in love and attached. It is hard to get over him without ensuing months of drama and torture. If he is bored, draw his attention towards adventure. Perhaps he is looking for his ideal women, who reflects what he lacking inside or he feels more close to who he truly wants to be in her presence. Some men love excitement and others seek moments of serenity. Excitement is one of the most intense forms of emotion; almost anything incredible, incomprehensible and fascinating can be a source of amazement. He may put himself in risky situations like gambling in order to experience excitement. This relief produces a feeling of satisfaction. He may bask in feelings of amusement, in being amused himself and in amusing others. Most men respond to a visual stimulus.

There are some tough men out there who do not give in easily. If he is happy with himself, he is much more difficult to attract, as his content nature makes him seem inaccessible. To attract men with busy schedules or those with little or no imagination is a challenge, as their mental activity or lack thereof leaves you with no space to fill. Some men secretly crave romance, and many have a great fear of being overwhelmed by someone. This type of woman could be one who makes him laugh involuntarily, or worse, tells him things that he feels that is accurate yet does not have tolerance for. In other words, he is not keen to fall in love and since falling in love means confronting his limits, he is likely to form a barrier to stop you from crossing them.

To love is to let yourself go and be overwhelmed and taken beyond your limits. To make him fall, separate him from his closed mind and closed world and fill his head with thoughts of you. That is why an air of sadness becomes quite intriguing as it points to a need that could be filled. Unless you identify the emotions beneath his facade, you miss the chance to truly win his affections. It is wrong to think that he has the same needs as you. If you crave comfort and security, giving him those things on the assumption that he wants the same can come across as smothering and can push him away. It is more effective if you move from one emotion to the next rather than to keep hitting on the same note.

The man in your life may have one or few of the traits outlined in the rest of this chapter; to make him fall in love, identify his type, and fill the emptiness in his soul. Note how each of these weaknesses require a completely different approach. Be careful how you deal with him, test and see what works and what does not. Love entails strong emotions. Work on those with which he responds to most positively. It is best not to go for someone who is just like you, as you may have difficulties to fill in the gaps, having no way to complete each other.

The Dreamer

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. – Harriet Tubman

The Dreamer has a vivid imagination, which he may have developed through reading books, watching films, music videos, and so on. He has spent years dreaming of romance, danger and excitement. The bridge between fantasy and reality is a large one and, he is quite disappointed by reality and especially relationships. He strives to realise a vision and create a culture by expressing a marvel of enduring values. At times, he can become somewhat manipulative. Beneath the surface he feels he is missing out on something. He hungers for romance, passion and drama. Be aware of him by the books he reads and the films he watches. See his eyes light up as he listens to real-life adventures that others live out. Study his clothes and home furnishings, which may evoke a taste for something more exciting such as romance or drama.

During his conversations with you, you may pick up on a disappointment and the inner tension he may be feeling. This type of man has suppressed a lot of passion and energy, which you can release by making yourself the focus of his attention. Given his great imagination, he responds to anything vaguely mysterious or romantic that you offer him. Play on your intriguing qualities and this will give him a part of his own dream. This could be your chance to live out his adventures or to be courted by a kind soul. If you give him a part of what he wants, he will imagine what the rest is like. Whatever you do, do not let reality break the illusion you create. A little harshness and he will be gone having been, bitterly disappointed.