Читать книгу From Me To We - Toni-Marie Taherian - Страница 14
ОглавлениеTHE SEARCH FOR MR. RIGHT
Do not be interesting, be interested! –Adam Salamon
Potential love interests may be just around the corner! Some of you have been looking for love not only in all the wrong places, but also in all the wrong ways. When dealing with a man, it is important to know two things: what you want and what he wants. It is vital to know both your respective core values. There are two ways to lose in the game of love: by not listening to what he wants and the other is by listening too much.
Love has the ability to bring out the best hidden qualities and traits in the two of you. Try to learn about yourself and your manoeuvres; this can be more a matter of instinct than anything else. The perfect person for you is someone who can fill the empty void inside your soul. Everyone has an image of an ideal, either what they would like to become or what they want you to represent to them. The traits you find attractive are more to do with your subconscious desires and yearnings. These desires are generally selected subconsciously from a mixture of characteristics taken from books or movies that have significantly impacted your psyche. As these are subconscious, they are hard to describe; even if you are not fully aware of them. It is not enough for your man to tick your boxes; make sure that he is also influenced by your charms. The right person for you is someone who can fill a void within you and bring out the best in you. He must have the opposite temperament to yours, as this difference will create an exciting tension. Establish what type of person you like, remembering that he will not always be honest with you. Having good communication skills keeps you both focused and involved.
Men are not all the same. Life is too short to waste on pursuing a man who does not inspire you. Devise your approach to the one man you choose to pursue. The perfect guy for you does not necessarily have particular facial or body features, the same taste in music, or similar goals in life. The perfect guy for you is someone who can add value to your life, a person who is able to stir and have an effect on your emotions. He often has a quality that you yourself lack or even envy. A little bit of tension, the element of fear or even a sign that he has a slight dislike towards you can be an interesting challenge to overcome.
Never try to attract someone who is exactly like you, as your attractive qualities may not be as charming to someone with the same merits. Showing your attractive attributes will not attract someone who does not value them. It will only show that you seek attention, perhaps by flaunting yourself. Your moves should be tailored to his doubts and weaknesses. Know your target well, and aim your approach to his doubts or resistance.
Timing is essential. Many perfect relationships are unsuccessful due to fact that one or both partners are experiencing a difficult time in their lives. Before you target anyone, please first consider choosing someone who is ready for love. Make sure that if you want to commit the feeling is mutual, and that he has not just gotten out of a bad relationship. Ask questions; pay attention not only to his words, but to his whole body language. There is nothing to lose except your time. Find out if he has ever been in love, the length of his relationships, why they ended, and if he still keeps in touch with his exes. Excessive anger towards an ex-partner is not a good sign.
Remember, there is no hate without feelings; you are only in the clear if he is indifferent. Be sure you are ready for commitment, or you may unknowingly jeopardise your potential for finding true love. Try to understand yourself well if you plan to find a satisfying relationship.
Pinpoint What You Want
You’ve got to follow your passion. You’ve got to figure out what it is you love - who you really are. And have the courage to do that. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow their dream. – Oprah Winfrey
The trick to finding the ideal person is to be clear about what your definition of ideal is. Before you begin dating, you need to answer some questions and make some relationship decisions in your head. Start with what are you not willing to compromise on. Does the object of your affection measure up to what you truly desire? What is making the decision for you, your heart, your logic or perhaps someone else? Is there stability in the relationship? Are you so consumed with impressing him so much so that you forget that everyone is impressed in different ways?
It is important to listen to what he tells you, but to also be mindful of his actions. If words and actions do not match, then he is not really who he claims to be. The first steps are always a case of trial and error. Date as many men as you possibly can. By going on dates, you can get to know him without getting physical. In fact, you should not pass up on an opportunity to date. Many of us have been guilty of letting one or two good ones get away. Make the decision to stop falling in love with that dream guy without knowing anything about him. Appearances can be deceiving, so do not assume or stereotype him. When dealing with him, use both your instincts and your logic; too much of either can be misleading. Ask yourself; do I know enough about him before I started to love him? Do not rush into things; take your time to get to know him. This will make him feel that he is liked for being himself, as well as giving him the satisfaction that he has overcome an obstacle. Liking him without taking the time to explore his inner-self will not feel genuine to him and may make him not want to please or impress you.
Never rush into the waiting arms of the first person who shows an interest in you. This is insecurity. The need that draws you to him will create a weak attachment, and your interest in him will fade. If you are just playing the game and not looking for something serious, then play the odds; it can be interesting and fun and you can always learn something new. Look at the types of men you have not previously considered and you will find both a challenge and an adventure.
Do not choose him because he is easily snared. Sometimes the thrill of the chase makes the game more interesting. At the same time, look for the one who shows you all the signs of vulnerability. Then put your energy into charming him. Avoid those men who you feel you cannot move. Go for men who respond in the right way, making the game of dating more pleasurable and satisfying. You can achieve this by communicating as little as possible before collecting the relevant information about him. If you do not wish to communicate, control your facial expression and voice. Resist any impulsive actions, and filter what you say.
Try not to be unreasonable in your expectations. In any relationship you need to be willing to compromise on some things, as no one is perfect. Hatred is an emotional attachment, along with romantic and parental love. When you are looking for someone to attract, you choose someone who excites you—this process goes both ways. Make sure you are not the only one making all the moves while he remains passive.
The point of dating is not actually to get together with this person. The point is to get a feel for what you want and what you do not want. If you become emotional very quickly and intensely, you will have difficulty controlling your emotions. The key is to look deep within yourself and learn to focus more on what you are actually feeling. This allows you to monitor and control your feelings accordingly. Do not forget that to find your prince you may need to kiss many frogs. The more you date, the clearer the idea about what you want and need becomes.
