Читать книгу From Me To We - Toni-Marie Taherian - Страница 6

A gift is pure when it is given from the heart to the right person at the right time and at the right place, and when we expect nothing in return. –Bhagavad Gita

Many attribute love to a feeling of strong lust or desire; they dress and label this feeling with something in which they want to believe in. They think, ‘I was unconditionally his for that fleeting moment. Sadly, it passed.’ The ideal practice is to love unconditionally. Love in this true sense is much easier said than done, almost an intangible task. Unconditional love is a myth; it does not exist in reality, unless perhaps in parental love. Unconditional means there are no conditions to loving that person, and it does not matter how you phrase it or modify it to a situation. No condition means the other is free to act and behave as he pleases, and you simply accept it. When you walk away because you do not like something, or do not accept it, it is with condition. Love in romance has conditions. Marriage is not unconditional; you take vows and set rules.

It is possible to give unconditional love, but you must go about it subtly. Some lucky children were raised in an atmosphere of unconditional love, while others less fortunate found there were strings attached to love. People spend the rest of their lives desperately searching for that someone who will help them recapture the childhood dream of unconditional love. They hope that someday, somewhere, someone will come along, realise how special they are and love them for being themselves—not for looks, not for money, but for the essence of their true self. Make him feel that you are that person and you will be rewarded with his love.

True love is shown in action rather than words. The majority of men love those who love them. To gain power over him, provide him with the very thing he either wants or had and now misses: unconditional love from a mother figure. Selflessness is an alluring quality, yet the hardest thing to do is to love someone truly without wanting anything in return. The insecurities and emotions this stirs up can often stop a relationship in its tracks that would otherwise be deeper and longer lasting. Know where you stand and be ready to give without premeditating reciprocation. No games, no power struggles, just love.

Unconditional love can come from the respect you give to the choices he makes in his life. This does not mean sticking around even if you are uncomfortable with his choices; it means you respect them as his own, whilst still making the best choices that suit your interests. The trick is to acknowledge the conditions you have inside, lessen them to a degree, talk about them, and find the conditional acceptance path. Stop the judging and critical tendencies and replace them with attention and love. To love unconditionally, first learn to embrace both his good side and his bad. Sometimes loving unconditionally can be as simple as becoming a realist; stop looking for Prince Charming and realise that Cinderella already has him!

To love unconditionally, give him the chance to show you his best side. Studies show that our expectations of people influence their behaviour. Similarly, your expectations influence your behaviour, according to the idea you have created of him. Depending on how you expect him to behave, you can encourage him to act accordingly. Use the power of expectation to influence him positively by adopting a positive attitude. By acting on a belief, you create a reality that matches your belief. Even when the original belief is false, you can make it come true.

Unconditional love is rare, hard to find and craved by everyone. By giving him a hint of devoted attention, accepting him for who he is, and meeting his needs, you put him in a ‘childish’ position. In some men, this may create nervousness and the fear of commitment, recalling a claustrophobic relationship that makes him want to run. Never make him feel that you are headed in that direction. For others, the feeling of dependency can lead to creating a need for independence. Yet the strong ties you have created keep him coming back for more, bound by the illusion of recapturing the motherly love he seemingly has lost forever, or never had.

To help him fall deeper, allow him to imagine your affection is permanent. If your attention is too focused, he may feel that you are constricting his freedom. Allow him to lose himself in the moment, experiencing the timeless depth of your feelings in the here and now. Sometimes pleasure is best when it is short-lived.