Читать книгу From Me To We - Toni-Marie Taherian - Страница 5

The future for me is already a thing of the past. You were my first love and you will be my last. –Bob Dylan

Every person has a unique love map. Freudians maintain that we fall in love with a person who attains the same qualities of the first love of our life, specifically our opposite-sex parent. Others believe we are drawn to those who have similar traits to the parent with which we have unfinished business from childhood, in an attempt to finally resolve our issues. We also collect what we like and dislike from people we met previously in childhood, our parents, friends, teachers, caregivers, or the heroes in movies or books that moved us. Love can be created through one or the combination of all of the above criteria. To capture his heart, discover what he has always wanted but never gotten, and you have the right ingredients to make him fall deeply in love with you. Whether these things are dreams, disappointments, emptiness or painful memories, if you manage to finish the unfinished business, you will hold the key to his heart.

Get him to act out his old issues without talking about memories. He may long for an ideal dream woman upon whom he projects his ideals, or he may yearn to meet a person who brings out his own ideal image from within. It is likely that he has compromised or fallen below his ideals to a degree, and therefore feels disappointed. Consequently, by helping him feel that he is living his ideal around you, he becomes the man he always wanted to be and you become his addiction.

Reliving a past pleasure is almost impossible to resist. His first love generally possessed the ideal qualities he yearned for, or perhaps he felt able to play a role he liked in relation to her. To discover this, talk to him about his former lovers, with particular attention to his first love. Allow him to relive these times of his life, encouraging him to unfold the relationships aspects slowly to reveal his ideal qualities. Pay attention to any expressions of disappointment or ways in which he did not get what he wanted. During conversation, secrets will slip out, revealing all kinds of valuable information about his weaknesses, his dreams, and how his brain works. Gather this information about his childhood, storing it for future use and creating a trusting bond. You can also lead him to places evoking the feelings he associated with his first love.

The first love can be a powerful attachment to a parent, a sibling, a teacher, or any early infatuation. This is someone who still affects his life. By knowing which traits of this person affected him, you can fill that void and take over that role. Maybe he has an immense gap in his childhood from a neglectful mother. Replace the original neglect with the attention and affection that his parent did not supply. Be attentive but quiet while he talks, making occasional, nonjudgmental comments. Be caring yet distant, even somewhat nonchalant, leaving room for him to transfer those emotions and project those fantasies onto you.