Читать книгу From Me To We - Toni-Marie Taherian - Страница 16

I got to thinking about fate. That crazy concept that we’re not really responsible for the course our lives take. That it’s all predestined, written in the stars. Maybe that explains why, if you live in a city where you can’t even see the stars, your love life tends to feel a little more random. And even if our every man, every kiss, every heartache is pre-ordered from some cosmic catalogue, can we still take a wrong step and wander off our own personal Milky Way? I couldn’t help but wonder, can you make a mistake and miss your fate? –Sex and The City

Most of us would miss Mr. Right if he just fell into our laps. In order to find the man of your dreams, you need to know approximately what it is that you are after and where you can look for it. When you do not know what you are looking for, you do not gather the right information about the person. When we do not truly know what it is we want from love, we may pass Mr. Right by without looking deeply into his personality.

It is important to list a few musts; you may not have figured it all out, but there is always a quality in a man that keeps your interest. Are you drawn to the more stable, dangerous, sensitive, or romantic types? Are you always dating men who end up treating you badly? Why is this?

In the dating world, if you are not sure of what you are looking for, you limit your potential. Some lead busy lives, dedicating any spare time left to those people they already know rather than making an effort to meet new people. How will you leave this bubble to see out of this cloudy room in which you have locked yourself into? To maximise your possibilities, know what you are looking for. Strategically aim for a specific target by spending more time in places where Mr. Right may be hiding. A cultured man goes to museums and art galleries, while a religious type goes to his religious institutions. An adventurous type may go mountain climbing or bungee jumping, and the rich hang out at country clubs, expensive hotels and charity functions. The list is long.

First establish what you want, then attempt to find environments where you can meet the kind of man you want over time. It is easier to pick and choose those who fit your description. A good way to find him is through joining communities with varying interests. The internet has a number of communities based around common interests. Perhaps the best way to meet someone you find interesting is to take classes in something you are interested in. Another good tactic is to join dating sites where you can actually have a dialogue with someone to get to know them. It is much easier to communicate when you are not too concerned about being liked or about the effects of being disliked, so you are free to be more comfortable. Most those who are unconcerned with other people’s opinions are not afraid of being themselves. Not worrying about being liked can allow you to slowly gather information about him, in order to delve into his subconscious.

Bars and clubs are environments which present communication barriers such as alcohol, loud music and numerous distractions, shortening both your attention spans. These environments are not really designed for true interaction and communication, and therefore it is hard to judge him in these settings. The guy you meet in such a place may be interesting, yet due to intimidating situations or circumstances, neither of your true personalities is able to shine through. By judging or being judged too quickly, you may pass up opportunities that are staring in your face and miss the gateway that could have led to much more.

Decide on environments where you can meet men with whom you connect with culturally and emotionally. A functioning social life is good life training, where you can learn to smooth down the sharp edges, cope with and accept difference in others, tame conflicts and practice social skills. After all, you should make the most of your life. It is a good skill to be able to associate with men in whom you previously were not interested. Online communities supplement real life communities and can be switched off at your discretion.

Sometimes it is possible to have deeper conversations over the phone or in the dark before you go to sleep, as it is easier to focus on the pure content of the conversation and not constantly monitor social cues like facial expressions or gestures. When you do not see each other, there are fewer things to be aware of, which increases your comprehension level. The same dynamic can be applied to in online communication, as you are making less effort with your appearances, providing a more spontaneous exchange of ideas and experiences. The conversation is flexible making both parties become more relaxed and it can go on for any length of time. Nowadays people may be more available online than in everyday life, as they may spend most of their time in front of the screen.