Читать книгу From Me To We - Toni-Marie Taherian - Страница 15

To effectively communicate, we must realise that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. –Tony Robbins

Amongst the men you meet every day, one may be right for you, but first you must know what type of person you are dealing with and learn how to relate to him. The best way to gather information about him is to find out where he obtains his feeling of self-importance. This can determine his character, which is the most fundamental thing about him.

People do not see the world as it is, they see it as they are. Get under his skin and see the world as he sees it. He is locked in a world of his own; draw him out, and try to understand him. You can categorise him by what he feels he is lacking in his life: adventure, attention, romance, or mental and physical stimulation. Once you identify what he is truly missing in his life, you can give him what he wants and is unable to get on his own.

By studying him, learn to see the real man behind his appearances and find out what type of feelings he is after. It is easy to find the way to his heart by listening to his problems and relating to him. Understand his need for completeness, whether real or far-fetched. Find the source of the empty hole in his soul. Always be on the look-out for repression, a secret desire that makes him squirm uncomfortably if you touch on it but is also tempting to him. Search his past for that trigger that may hold the key to his subconscious. If you provide him with the reality or illusion that he does not have in his life, you gain complete power over him. He may be looking for the unconditional love and empathy he used to get from his mother. Encourage him to share his childhood insecurity with you; by opening him up to express his fears, what he is lacking in his life, you hold the key to tempting him. His weakness may be fuelled by greed, vanity, boredom, or some deeply repressed desire or hunger for a forbidden fruit. Increase your ability to understand how he is responding to you. This observation can also help you respond to his emotions in an appropriate way. Controlling and understanding his emotional behaviour is not easy; it depends on the person, their emotions and their varying intensity. Explore the reactions unique to him and his common triggers by dating and observing him. Strengthen your ability to work around his emotions.

Increase your ability to detect how he is feeling through his actions and words. Even if he makes a concentrated effort to control his expressions, some traces of his emotions might leak out. Emotional signals emerge instantly when an emotion begins. As the emotions come to an end, the signs are removed and are replaced with the reactions of the next emotion. For example, sadness makes you more softly spoken, or pulls up the inner corners of the eyebrows. Discuss his past in order to uncover images and ideals that have been neglected or repressed. To become the object of his affection, you need to first dig up valuable information about him. But how? Get him to talk about his history and previous relationships, and put together the missing pieces of the jigsaw. Do not ask him about the status of your relationship until you have reached some degree of intimacy, yet it is never too soon to figure out what he wants from the relationship with you. When he speaks, read between the lines of what he is saying, whether it be to do with previous lovers, parents, friends, or other relationships. Listen carefully to what he says about his childhood, his past relationships, his likes and his dislikes. Make your questions non-threatening. Attend to his assumptions about how an ideal relationship should work. How much closeness and distance he requires? How much self-reliance, dependence, giving and sacrifice he expects in a relationship? Discover the qualities he admired in previous lovers and why the relationship did not work out. What was so special about his ex? His past romances will have many clues about who he is. Nothing is stronger than the desire to change the past, right or wrong, and to satisfy a disappointment. When the topic is forgotten, start hinting at what a hotshot you are in those areas.

Understand his desires and use them to create a stimulating dream. It is hard for him to see through an illusion in which he desperately would like to believe. This could be a yearning for a mother or father figure, or maybe the dark side of his personality. Perhaps you can present yourself in such a way as to awaken many taboos. A man who enjoys being in control will sometimes like to be challenged by an intelligent and strong woman. Perhaps he thinks it would be fun to outwit someone like that and try proving that he is tougher or more intelligent. If he is into debates or intellectual gamesmanship; qualities like playfulness, stimulation and mutual respect might provoke him. Those who take risks in life may like the rush of losing. Keep the connection vague; make yourself seem elusive, let him create you in his own mind.

Everyone has their own vision of a idealistic place where people are kind and noble, where dreams and wishes are fulfilled. This ideal is full of adventure and romance. Take him on a journey, give him a glimpse of what it is to come and he will follow. All you need to provide him with is symbols such as clothing, body language or your speech, which recreate the reality behind his fantasies. Watch his reactions carefully and act and speak accordingly. His mind is infinitely vulnerable to suggestions, and even more so when strong desires set in. Remember to make him fall in love with you; and do not forget to love him the way he wants to be loved.